I Only Do Champagne Dates ….

Yes you guessed it Ive jumped off the single train and right into that pool of champagne and dating … and believe me im going to be needing that pool of champagne if the last couple of dates are anything to go by … at this rate being single looks so much nicer …

1. The Hangover Date – well this lovely gentleman turned up during the week after a big Tuesday night out in which when we met he walked straight pass me not once but twice before I walked up to him and introduced myself … at that stage I could smell the Bundy Rum Factory clearing pouring from his pores #whoneedsaftershave …. So once I got over the initial smell the small talk started with me doing most of the talking as someone was struggling with the noise and the sunshine on that Wednesday morning … once the coffee had been consumed I thought it was best to make my run for it as this was a dying date … so with a polite goodbye I left him sitting there at the coffee shop sunglasses on and with a second coffee in his hand most likely thinking what just happened #happychampagnewednesday
2. The I’ve Lied Date – Oh my gosh this one was too funny so with his online profile he mentioned that he was taller than me which seriously isn’t hard when im only 165 cm tall and that he had an athletic body which between you and me did intimate me slightly as we all know I am no #victoriasecretmodel …. But I was like ok he looks good online he has some decent photos of himself although im thinking that photo from 2007 shouldn’t really be part of his profile pictures … you know the ones that people post because back then they had all their shit together #HAHAHA ….. so there I was waiting for him to arrive when I see him pull up and get out of his car … and OMG if I could have disappeared like a ghost I would off … the first thing I noticed was that he wasn’t athletic at all and the second thing I was going to be towering over him in my heels #hellodannydevito … #thankgodnessitwasthirstythursday
3. The inappropriate Date – This was a very weird catchup to start with before the inappropriate questions were asked … so this gentleman turns up 25 mins late without no notice to let me know otherwise and trust me after a glass of champagne I was ready to leave good thing he turned out when he did …. He then proceeds to say sorry and explain that he was just in the middle or sorting out his casting for the next day as he was a part-time actor …. As we both sat in silence he suggested that what he has done on previous dates was the five questions game to help break the ice between us … He ask his first question and then I asked him and this went on until his fourth question in which he asked me when was the last time I had any …. By the look on his face from reaction you could see he wasn’t expecting that response from me and so he laughed it off and said its ok mine was last week #toomuchinformation … and his last question continued the flow of his fourth question at which time I politely removed myself from the catch up and informed him #sorrynotsorry …
4. The Cant Stop Laughing Date – This gentleman was a hoot and I couldn’t stop laughing at his dating history … he had one story after the other of his dates that just didn’t go to plan and yet here he was informing me and all I could think about was is this going to be me in a years time as I sit down for the 309 date relying back my dating history #helpmeknow …

So as I make a plan for another date later this week I have now decided that all dates are going to be only champagne dates because if the past few I have been on are any indication of what is out there for this 40 something single woman than it has to be  champagne o’clock to get through them ….

Why ….

So do you ever have one of those days where you wish it was acceptable to open a bottle of champagne after school drop off because you feel like you have taken on the Australian Army just to get two children off to school … or maybe dealing with the traffic on your way into work and there is always that one car that waits until the end of the merge lane to merge because they couldn’t possibly merge two cars behind … or maybe just maybe what is making you wish you could open a bottle of champagne mid morning is because you’ve just endured a flight in which you wonder if the person next too you realizes that soap is something that is used and not just for display in the bathroom …

These are just a few of my many reasons why I believe that it is acceptable to open a bottle of champagne mid morning and say cheers to not giving a f##k … but lets be honest I know that what I am thinking is just the ice berg of what we all endure each and every day … we all have that one co-worker who just asks too many questions and in which your eye rolling has now confirmed your place in the Olympics 2020 … or maybe it is the woman at the grocery who thinks that her face is a coloring in page and not a face …or the naive 20 something that thinks that champagne is sparkling wine when we all know unless it comes from the champagne region it isn’t champagne …

It is these everyday things that I will be sharing with you all on a weekly basis so when next someone questions you on why you are opening a bottle of champagne mid morning just remind them that it is Champagne O’Clock time …